Today was a VERY exciting day for Rebound! Even though it is very, very, very cold (brrrrrr) and even though none of us really wanted to extract ourselves from the puppy pile we've been in since the cold snap started, well, sometimes life throws you clogged anal glands and you just have to get out of the house to get them expressed.
Which is to say that, sadly, my DIY attempts to milk forth from the periphery of Rebound's anus that which has been making my house smell like ungodly rancid liquid shit for the past week were not successful after all. Like some perverted variation on lipstick kiss marks left by your overzealous aunt on your chubby little cheek, every time Rebound sat down and then got up, there it was: the double milk chocolate parentheses of her leaking butt kiss, left upon pillow, blanket, rag rug, etc.
I broke down and called the vet, wondering how much it was going to set me back, wishing there was some kind homeless dude closer to home bearing a WILL EXPRESS YOUR DOG'S ANAL GLANDS FOR FOOD sign. No such luck. In the end (and I do mean that literally) it only cost around fifty bucks to have them really get in there and... well let's just say Lil Rebound is clean as a whistle now and amen for that. They even gave her a complimentary dusting of some industrial deodorizer so that now the smell lingering in my car is like one of those complex wines with fruity-tooty notes on top, and a sweet aftertaste.
Though Rebound was none too pleased to visit the vet-- even she, with her limited mental capacity knows the folks there are up to no good-- she was glad for a chance to don her little Red Riding Hood capelet, gifted to her by her Auntie Em and Uncle Bug. And, as a reward for her patience, I took her to see Big Red, whom she attempted to kiss through the back window of the car. Rebound is convinced that Big Red is her mother, since he was my roommate when I adopted her, and she imprinted on him.
Now we're all home, ready to reposition ourselves in a freshly sheeted bed as we wait for this freaking freeze to dissipate.