Monday, May 14, 2012

Woo-Hoo! It's Spike's Second Annual Fund Drive!

Hello Y'all,
Well last week, KUT raised a million bucks so they could ditch that nasty Studio 1A and move to their new digs. Unbelievably, they failed to consult me about the timing of this fund drive (their second in less than three months!) and so I had to reschedule my own previously planned fund drive. It's okay, KUT, I forgive you.

So while I know most of you are probably tapped out from giving them your last red cent, what the hell, I'm going to go ahead and hit you up now for some dough. Some of the six of you might recall that last year when I put out the virtual tip jar, and asked very nicely for you to kick in $12 as a sort of annual subscription, some woman claiming to be an artist (apparently she had once published a six-page pamphlet) told me I was, in my request, debasing her and all other artists.

I remain grateful to this day for that note. Here's why: before I received her note, I had pledges that totaled a modest (but very much appreciated) sum. When her note came in, and when I published it, ripping her a new asshole, the response was overwhelming, and the donations came pouring in. This taught me a few things, but above all that you guys really, really like me when I am at my snarly best! Way to reinforce my Jersey style folks. I really fucking appreciate it.

This year, following the KUT model, I think I will post daily for the whole week, or maybe hourly or every five minutes, telling you all about how your contributions are going to make my life that much better, and how if you don't contribute, well... don't make me go there. Hopefully over the course of this fund drive, someone will tell me what a piece of shit I am, at which point I will again demonstrate my prowess with ripostes, and thus we will repeat the cycle started last year.

So you know-- I am asking for your donations simply to support my blogging whimsy. Here you will find food reviews, theatre reviews, countless pictures of Rebound, garden updates, love letters to Austin, super bitchy epistles to jerk-offs that get on my nerves.  and the occasional moment of Zen. Of course you can also be my friend on FaceBook for even more updates and photo silliness.

As with last year I will publicly thank you for your donations. If you would like to use the evil, evil PayPal to kick in, here's a link to my PayPal account.  If you would prefer to stuff cash into an envelope and mail it, you can send that to: PO Box 4843, Austin, TX 78765.

I'm still thinking up premiums but here are some ideas I have:

Bearing in mind that I am asking no more than $12 from you (a mere $1 per month!) for those of you with overzealous wallets, I am offering these amazing gifts:

$75 Level: An autographed photo of Rebound!
$150 Level: I will knit you a hat!
$200 Level: I will knit you a scarf!
$10,000 Level: I will knit you whatever the fuck you want!

Oh, and I think I have some slightly used copies of Pissed Off sitting around here somewhere, so if you want a lightly stained copy of my book about rage, let's say we'll toss those out to the first three or four $50 donors.

I am also open to suggestions for other prizes you might like to earn.

Last year, your donations went directly toward helping me build up my wedding business, which is doing great. Thank you so much! This year, I will use the proceeds to help cover my ass while I take a little time off to go revise my book at a lovely ranch a few hours from here.

Stay tuned for more beggy updates, soon.

Thank you, people. I love you. Well, except that bitch who wrote last year but I guess I sort of love her a little bit, too.

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