Wednesday, November 17, 2010

An Eye for an Eye? How About a Book for an Eye?

(i can't see clearly now that spain is gone. i can't see all obstacles in my way.)

Good lord, look at the time. Another day hath raced past. How does it happen? I had the intent of writing a very long post tonight that somehow incorporated an update on my latest Vibrams, tales of my adventures-of-late in sewing (really!), news of my messed up eyeball, and, possibly, about 70 pictures I've been meaning to share since, oh, around August. Alas, I have this in-bed-by-midnight rule I try to adhere to lest I get cranky (well, crankier than usual). Thus I will stick with a note about the Vibrams and my eyeball and we'll pick up the rest later.

So, Vibrams (which, I had no idea, are pronounced VEE-brams, not VI-brams!)-- after all that bragging I did in my last post, instant karma or some other mustn't-get-too-excited rule kicked in. After wearing the new woolies for a day, my big toenails felt like they were going to fall off and I was in screaming pain. Being a stubborn Capricorn, I thought I could break the shoes. Wrong. The shoes broke me. Cutting to chase, I did a little research and chatted with a customer service rep and discovered the woolies run a little small since they are made with heavier, recycled rubber. I have since shipped mine back and have been promised another pair is on the way and I CAN'T WAIT. Meanwhile, if you order some, be sure to go a little big. They have good charts at their website. And if it helps, know that I'm a size 8.5 US so I usually order 40EU in the Vibrams. I'm just bumping up to a 41 and hoping that was the right choice. If not, I'll let you know.

Now, about that eyeball. Well, I went to see Steven Dell yesterday, who is, yes, related to that other Dell. SD is reputed to be the best eye guy in our city, and also is, I think, pretty well-known in bigger circles. He's a pretty no nonsense guy and didn't really fall for my ongoing, anxiety driven attempts to make medical types laugh. That's cool. I don't care if he's a Republican frankly. I just want my eyeball fixed.

The good news is: I don't have a cataract. The bad news is: I have two cataracts. Yep, one in each eye. I haven't even noticed the left one yet, either because it's very small or because the right one is so fucking miserable that I can't even be bothered with the left one. As I am an uninsured American, I have to pony up cash to get the right cataract removed. Then I will save up and hopefully get the left one taken care of in 2011. A bionic lens (which would restore perfect vision sans glasses) runs around $6k. Fortunately, I like wearing glasses. As I was saying to a friend recently, my glasses are like Wonder Woman's Invisible Airplane. I sort of feel protected with a little layer between me and the world. So I'm going for the basic $3000 replacement which, since I'm paying cash, comes with a no-extra-charge astigmatism correction. (Done with a diamond! That's the closest I'll ever get to a diamond. Wait, a joke: the Other Dell Diamond. I think I'll try that out on SD next time I see him.)

Where was I? Oh, so yeah, I scheduled surgery for December 22nd, which means I'll have an excellent excuse to skip Christmas. Not that I need an excuse, but sometimes well-meaning friends think they'll be the ones to finally break through and make me enjoy Jesus's birthday. People? It ain't gonna happen. If you want to give me a bejeweled pirate eyepatch, so be it. But beyond that, I'm holing up over here and ignoring the 25th.

(all i want for christmas. well, that and $3000)

I have some good news, which I haven't been talking about much lately. I got a day job. It's just a short term, three-month gig, covering for someone on maternity leave. I'm not discussing where I'm working, in part because I signed a NDA and in part because I want to keep my Office Girl life separate from my Loudmouth Life. Because I really, really like this job, you know? Pity it doesn't give me fodder for cynical posts about office work, but really, that's not so bad. The steady paycheck means that I can apply all of my side-gig money directly to getting my eye fixed.

So, that's where you come in. I have had several friends offer to throw me a benefit. That is so nice it makes me want to cry. On the other hand, I have, with all gratitude, gently declined. Couple of reasons for this. First, back in 2005, Chris & Co. threw a benefit to get my foot fixed. That was SO nice, and the surgeon waived his fee, and all of that made the impossible possible. Without all that help I'd still be walking with a cane. But that was then and this is now. I've been building my various business endeavors, I'm not going to be laid up after surgery so I don't have to worry about missing work. So all I really need is to move some units over here. Since I'm The Product, that means I have to get over my disdain for marketing me.

Wait, I can hear you saying, "But Spike, you have 1500 FB Friends and you know everyone. You're a marketing genius." To which I say, "Well, shucks, I guess maybe I am." However, one thing I HATE doing is doing a hard sell of my books, workshops, etc. I like to believe that people who are interested will find me. I don't want to be like the Girl Scout Cookie peddler, trying to force diabetes on the masses courtesy of a combination of cute-and-guilt.

But it's time for me to trot out cute-and-guilt. First, some visuals to help push you in the right direction...


(think of all the costumes she'll have to forgo if you don't help defray my surgery expenses by buying my books!)

(where you will go if you don't help me!)

If you will all help me get the word out about my workshops, that would be tremendously helpful. There are the Kids' Holiday Craft Workshops. And there are the Winter Writing Workshops for adults.

Beyond that, there are the Take Me Back to Austin, TX (Right Now) t-shirts, available at BookWoman and Hill Country Weavers. And... okay, building up to it... my new quilt book drops on 11/21-- that's just a few days away. Here's what it looks like:

(you actually can judge this book by it's amazing cover. the inside rocks, too!)

While it's true you can pick up a copy on the cheap at Amazon, I happen to have around a dozen here at the house. They retail for $40. If you know a quilting fanatic and would like to gift one of these books, I am asking for a $50 donation which gets you a book, signed and personalized, wrapped real pretty for the holiday, and shipped wherever you want in the U.S. You can email me for more details and/or hit the DONATE button over there to your right. No, not there, up a little... right! There!

Getting back to the cataract itself. So I asked SD why, at my youngish age, I might have developed cataracts, beyond the fact that I am an over-achiever. SD says they don't know for sure, but it could be genetic, or it might be all that smoking I did, and/or it could be related to UV exposure. Bingo. People? I am from NEW JERSEY where it is REQUIRED BY LAW that you spend as much time between Memorial Day and Labor Day lying on the beach, slathered in baby oil, dragging on ciggies. I mean, it's my BIRTHRIGHT. And since I like to think that cigarettes really weren't that bad for me, I must, by default BLAME MY ANCESTORS.

(one of my ancestors)

Good, so we have a reason.

Now, if you will-- please let me know if you want one of the new quilting books. I can also hook y'all up with my first quilting book, Quilty As Charged, for $23, which includes wrapping, postage and handling (and I promise you, I will HANDLE it.)

That's all I got for you tonight.
One Blind Mouse


Linda Ball said...

You won't need a eye patch...just some charming sunglasses for a bit.

Spike Gillespie said...

sorry-- to clarify i was just kidding about the eyepatch. any excuse to run a photo of a bejeweled accessory, you know?

indigo warrior said...

I think you should wear the eye patch anyway. Sooooo ... pirate-couture. Think of the possibilities.

I got my Vibrams today and they are on my feet. Yay! They are fuschia and I love them.