|This male model hearts underpants that fit right!|
The First Annual Throw Away Your Crappy, Ill-Fitting, or Otherwise Annoying Underpants Day!
I'm talking about all kinds of annoying underpants. Maybe you bought some yesterday and they fit terribly and you know, you can't return even slightly used underpants. So what? You're going to stuff them in a drawer because you "don't want to waste them"? Really? Don't be stupid.
THROW THEM OUT!!
And the old underpants, the ratty, hole-riddled, skid-marked all to hell underpants? Don't even try sneaking those into the bag you're planning to haul over to the thrift store because THAT IS GROSS. Get RID of them. Got thongs? Well guess what? YOU SHOULDN'T. Those must go. Now.
Come on everybody. I mean it! Chop chop. Put down the fucking Internet for five minutes for god's sake already and GO CLEAN OUT YOUR UNDERPANTS DRAWER RIGHT NOW!
For you environmentally conscious hippie freaks, it's possible that 100% cotton underpants can be tossed in your compost bin, but I'm not totally sure about that so don't hold me to it. For those of you who think old underpants are great for hanging onto for dusting purposes-- you're more wrong than the thong hoarders. And for the loser whose car alarm is going off AGAIN RIGHT NOW AS I TRY TO START THE BEST NEW HOLIDAYS OF ALL TIME-- take note: That's the 80th time this week your fucking car alarm went off and if you don't get it fixed I'm going to come over there and fix it for you. And I will be using my old underpants to help me with the job. So just stop it, now, if you know what's good for you.
Happy Throw Away Your Crappy, Ill-Fitting, or Otherwise Annoying Underpants Day, People!
Pass it On!