A Little More Help with I WAS RAPED BY MIKE DAISEY, Please!

Welcome to our final installment of this week's series: I WAS RAPED BY MIKE DAISEY. A quick recap for those of you who missed the earlier episodes and/or those of you who have brain injuries and can't remember things for more than five minutes:

1. On Sunday, our darling Ira Glass came across the radio waves to announce that Mike Daisey, whose piece on This American Life in January garnered more downloads than any other ever, had made up a bunch of shit in his "true" story. Listening to Ira, Mike sat thinking, "Please don't eat the Daisey," while Spike sat at home thinking, "Jesus, this reminds me of days I waited tables and had to deal with couples who thought it was a good idea to break up in public"

2. Also on Sunday, Spike gave Ira a Kick Ass Award and rescinded her earlier invitation to Mike to, "Call next time you're in Austin!" which she issued when Mike emailed her after hearing that she'd been fucked over by some dumbass producer at The Moth. In fact, Spike told Mike he is banned from Austin.

3. On Monday, Spike announced she was preparing a show called I WAS RAPED BY MIKE DAISEY, which sold out, almost instantly, for the foreseeable future. 

4. On Wednesday, realizing that (fuck fuck fuck) now she actually had to write the show, Spike asked y'all for some help developing the plot.

5. Yesterday, acknowledging that she could not forge ahead with the writing until she decided on the right prop, Spike asked you to help her choose which glass to use in her performance. You sentimental fools overwhelmingly chose the Ira Glass. YAWN. Sooooo predictable, people! SO predictable!

6. Which brings us to today. Okay I really am just about ready to write now. But I need a tiny bit more help. It dawned on me that, while I do want my set to stay sort of true to Mike's set, and while Mike doesn't use anything more than a glass of water, a couple of sheets of paper, and an invisible Sack of Bullshit, I probably do need a little more than that. Because I want my audience to feel Mike up there on the stage with me, I need something symbolic of Mike so that his presence remains... well... present throughout the performance. Luckily, I got a degree in English from the illustrious University of South Florida (Go Brahman Bulls!) so I am well-versed in the ways of potent symbolism. In fact, I came up with so many options that, once again, as with needing help selecting the proper drinking vessel, now I need you to vote on which of the following props will best represent the Spirit of Mike Daisey as I take to the stage to present I WAS RAPED BY MIKE DAISEY. Are you ready? Great. Here we go:

I can already hear you saying, "Spike, Spike, Spike! Dressing like a daisy is a) entirely too blatant and b) will confuse your audience who will take you to BE Mike Daisey and you shouldn't wish that on your worst enemy." To which I say, "Good point. So how about this..." (see below) 

As the six of you who regularly read this blog already know, that's Rebound the Divorce Puppy. If Rebound had an IQ over 7, she would surely be offended to be standing in as Mike Daisey in the show I WAS RAPED BY MIKE DAISEY. However, fortunately at least in this instance, Rebound's IQ hovers at around 4, which means that, not only does she not have the capacity to be offended, but she could genuinely represent Mike's mental "prowess."

Or maybe we should forego the overly obvious daisy = Daisey thing and go for something more subtle. Like my Yeti hat. Probably I won't use this, but I am including it for your vote because I think it suggests, "Hey, I'm Mike Daisey! I'm a monster, yes! But I'm a cartoonish monster! I won't really hurt you too much." Also, it could suggest how Mike feels about himself-- a legend in his own mind!

As with the daisy costume, this one might be too blatant. Or hell, maybe it's too subtle? Do you get it? DO YOU GET IT? I am TAKING A BITE OUT OF APPLE!! 

I think this is my favorite representation of Mike, though to call him a chicken for not telling the truth is actually a pretty big insult to chickens. Plus, if I use my pet chicken for the show, I will likely wind up covered in chicken shit. Oh wait, maybe THAT could be the representation of Mike! Chicken Shit! And finally... speaking of shit...

How about this option, eh? Does this not perfectly capture the idea that Mike Daisey is full of shit? The only two drawbacks I can see to this option are that a) how can I talk with a mouthful of shit? (Oh wait, I know-- I can take lessons from Mike, who does it all the time!) and b) The Disintegration Factor. Ah, but if I go this route, the Disintegration Factor can represent Mike Daisey's story about China, and how it's all a bunch of shit that totally stinks and falls apart pretty easily. Not bad if I do say so myself!

Okay, y'all, voting ends at MIDNIGHT! Hurry up and let me know what your choice is. See you at the show!